Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I saw a woman on TV this morning who's written a book about being formerly. It started out being formerly hot; she thought that her angst, for lack of a better word, was about not looking the same. Essentially, she was on the subway when a guy asked her what time it was and actually was interested in the time, not her. She's concluded that it's not at all about looks; it's about being what she calls an "adult tween." Not really young, but not old either, not knowing where to fit in.

Clearly, I struggle with where and who I am. I've kind of assumed it had to do with being a new mom, focus necessarily and happily away from myself, at the same time that my body and face have started to change pretty noticeably (to me, anyway). She strikes a chord; I'm wondering whether she's not entirely off kilter.

I've ordered her book but not read it yet, so I can't say whether I agree or not. I am pondering, though, what I was that I miss, and who I might be that I've not yet discovered. It definitely feels like a time of transition, but from where to where?

Formerly interesting? Maybe not, but likely Formerly Doing more Interesting Things
Formerly pretty? Kinda.
Formerly busy? Nope; got busy covered.
Formerly into the arts? Well, I was formerly more involved myself, but now more able to afford to patronize them and with a hubby who loves it too.
Formerly getting together with friends a lot? Definitely. Working on that one.
Formerly a window shopper? Yup. Seems unfair that at the time that I might be able to afford to shop at all I don't have the time, and my body looks good in approximately nothing that I like or would've liked.
Formerly jealous? Probably more accurately, formerly more insecure. Happy to let that one go.
Formerly using different evaluation criteria? Yup - on all sorts of things.
Formerly too critical of myself and others too? Working on that one too. It stings.

Currently what?
Currently feeling in transition.
Currently working out the best way not to lose precious time.
Currently involved in the never-ending process of finding balance.
Currently very interested in being grateful and giving back. In the beginning stages here.
Currently changing the way I eat to match this new post-40 nonexistent metabolism.
Currently struggling between motivation to get in shape and trying to let go of caring about my shape to focus on health.
Currently wishing my husband didn't have to work so much, but knowing that his success leads to good things for my family and my retirement. Connundrum.
Currently enjoying a hilarious three-year-old.
Currently able to cook a little more.
Currently better at letting people be who and where they are.
Currently grateful.
Currently still me.

Future still me. Keeping several of the currentlyies and building on them.
Future more involved in the community. The beginning of today will have sprouted.
Future soccer mom. Excited to see where Aidan's interests take us.
Future traveling more where we don't have to plan around an afternoon nap.
Future at peace with my face/body. Hey - a girl can dream.
Future interesting girl again. Doing things - maybe back in ballet class, taking a cooking class, etc.

Currently grateful.

No comments: