Monday, November 16, 2009

just in case I need it

A friend was having a tough day, and I wrote this to her. As she's the only one who reads this besides me, I'm putting it here, somewhat at her advice, to remind myself when I need it. Know that I couldn't possibly love my family any more than I do, my stunning, gorgeous, loving and devoted husband and son.

so, every time i think i might be alone in my lonliness when i'm surrounded by love or in losing myself or in feeling ever so slightly ungrateful for what i'm so lucky, so so lucky to have, i realize that i'm not the only one in my shoes. it's all around me, every day, in women who are struggling to balance what's too much for any human to hold at once. there's no one right answer, no good answer, and everyone, EVERYONE with a family struggles with it, and everyone without a family wonders whether it'd all be better if she did. it's in our culture, it's in novels, it's in blogs, it's in elevator conversations; truly, it's everywhere.

you're beautiful in pretty much every way possible, and passionate about life and motherhood. you can't always get it all right, and i feel like maybe it wouldn't be as satisfying if you/we could. part of loving something is earning it, i believe. another part of loving it is letting myself not be perfect about it. why is it so easy for me to let other people be where they are, and understand where they're coming from, and so hard for me to let myself not be perfect? seriously, no one is. no one. No One.

i'm thinking about this a lot as my sis is expecting, and i'm hoping that she lets herself be where she is too.

don't get me wrong - i'm really very happy with my life and my gorgeous, beautiful son, and i'm sure you are too. it's just hard to be a mom sometimes. i don't know if this is helpful, but reading your blog today, i wanted to tell you this because it's all around me, sometimes affecting me personally and sometimes affecting friends or acquaintences. i'm sending a giant hug and a smile and the reassurance that you're right where you should be and that you're in there, plain for us all to see.


Susan said...

Rereading this, now that I've been able to put down the tissue box, it occurs to me that life is like a yoga pose. You think you've got it nailed, but you can never stay where you are. There's always micromovements to keep in alignment.

Thanks for posting this.

Ambley said...

I love that thought. You're right.