Sunday pancakes

My dad makes (usually blueberry) pancakes every Sunday for the whole clan, and this has been going on for at least a decade, before any of us siblings were married. It can be a little much to get there every week, with trying to get organized for the upcoming week and trying to fit family time (for our little family) into a crunched schedule. However, it's wonderful to have a regular touchpoint. Not all of us make it every week, but we do more often than not.

I talk to my sister several times a day - we're always connected. My brother, however, isn't the "pick up the phone" type. You always know he digs you and that he's thinking of you, but you don't get obvious confirmation without that type of a forum. Much like going to the gym, sometimes it's a little tough to get there, but I'm always so glad that I did.

This week, my sis brought a new cookbook and a Wii fit to share, and Dad built a big fire. Aidan was in heaven as usual, with many of his favorite people in the same room showering him with attention and love. Details don't really matter; it's just great for us to be able to hang out, draped across the furniture, in a happy place.

Where did that girl go?

My dear friend Missy sent me a newspaper cutout (via email, of course) of an advice column. A single woman had written in and asked what her friends with kids do all day, and why they couldn't get things done like she could or have any free time. The response, from a mom, was a little biting, but a good one. I'm sure some others have seen this.

The sad thing, though, is that I ask myself these questions. What do I do all day? Why can't I get anything done? Is it wrong to want some playtime w/my son in addition to all of the productive things we do during the day, when instead of playtime I could also be productive doing something else? It's a constant struggle, and I'm certain I'm not alone.

I feel as though I'm barely treading water sometimes. The house may look like a hurricane hit, and I'm balancing to ensure that nothing essential falls - all bills paid, kid fed, clothed and bathed, getting to/from work. I've noticed this getting a little easier lately as Aidan gets (at all) more self-sufficient, and I'm hopeful that this trend will continue. One day, I hope to be near the together, competant girl I was pre-Aidan, caught up and with spare time. I miss her.

Bittersweet homecoming

What a wonderous week of vacation! The fact that our opportunity to unwind and spend a full week straight together as a family was in such an amazing setting was just gravy. There were so many joys of taking Aidan with us that I'm sure I won't be able to remember them all.

My friend Suzie recently wrote an entry (that should've been written by me) about Marriage vs. Motherhood, and I agree that there finally becomes a time when you believe that you can be mobile again (and are tempted by diving in once again). We are nearing or in that time now. Aidan was an angel (most of the time), making friends wherever we went, and a joy to behold.

During this week, he got to do three things that were amazing to him: ride on planes and see other real planes up close, ride a choo-choo (the resort had a trolley), and ride two "neys." He's still talking about all of those things, which for him consists mostly of saying the words, "airplane," "ney" and "choo-choo." He did many things that were amazing to us as well. He went in the span of one week from being afraid to get in the water to letting me stand on the edge of the pool and toss him into the air for his dad to catch him in the pool. He went from shrieking about the slides to climbing up himself and sliding again and again, from sobbing around the lazy river to insisting that he be held off the edge of the float so that he could kick while we went, and giggling about going through the waterfalls we encountered. He picked up a couple of new phrases, and his pronunciation improved. We sat around the kitchen table an colored. There were glimpses of him that looked like a five-year-old, though I'm not sure yet how I feel about that.

It was a wonderful escape, and I'm not at all happy about having to be back in the "real" world. I'm doing my best, however, to take the best of it with me - the lack of stress and ability to enjoy a moment. Using that lack of stress to accomplish things I've been avoiding or putting off, and to realize that the stress isn't really worth the effort it takes/causes. Oh, and family dinners. We started a new tradition of eating together at the table (on weekends at least), using our dining room table tonight like a real dining room table instead of a collector of odds.

the era of pretend

It's so fun to watch the little wheels turning; Aidan's beginning to pretend. He's talking to his stuffed animals and other toys, and to himself in his crib when he wakes up. He's been talking on the phone for awhile now, but his conversations are getting much more interesting. The other day I walked into my inlaws' kitchen (holiday travel), and he was standing on a stool having an in-depth conversation on their wall phone. In the midst of it were several, "ah, no"'s, and in the midst he paused, then cracked up as though he'd just heard or told the funniest joke ever. So fun to see!

He's very much enjoying having some new toys to play with, especially the train and car-related items, the art supplies and books.

From the department of Christmas miracles, my dear, dear friend is a mom. If I were telling this in person, I couldn't do it without crying, but in this setting, you can't tell. She's had a long road with heartbreaking bumps and turns, but a beautiful baby girl was born Christmas Eve, and now is home making more lives than she'll ever know brighter. No more deserving parents; lucky girl.

Now I count down the days (4) to a week in Acapulco with my boys. Highs of 86, lows of 68. Mmmmm.

The year of

We are so very fortunate; I know I've said it before, but we really are. To have each other, health, family, love, home, jobs, whatever we could want. Makes me think about giving back, which we've been trying to do more. I always find it interesting that you see what's on your mind all around you, but here's another case of it. Had lunch w/my friend Jen the other day, and she's starting a volunteering group (go Jen!). Told my sis about that, and she was inspired to follow through with a first-ever food drive at her work, which has really taken off. The team I'm working most closely with at my client has adopted a rather large family for Christmas, and we've adopted a child for Christmas at Aidan's school and also participated in Toys for Tots. All of these have provided opportunities for me to feel extra grateful, and also for us to contribute here and there where we can.

A woman at work was shopping with her kids for the family we adopted, and her daughter asked, "Why don't they just ask Santa for the stuff they want?" Tricky answer, no? I don't want Aidan to get everything he wants, but I also don't want to have to explain why Santa's so good to other kids but not him, even though he's a very good boy. The thought of that is just heartbreaking. On the other hand, when I was growing up, we didn't have any money. I always had food, but rarely frills. I didn't know it, though. I was showered with ridiculous amounts of love and fun (thanks, Dad!), and I didn't realize that I was missing anything. We took camping vacations and traveled a lot--by car, mostly. One year I got a new bike that I later learned was from a junkyard that my dad painstakingly restored. I am a firm believer that you don't have to have money to be happy, and I've never had money, so to speak.

I'm still incredibly grateful, though, and I'd like to help others whenever I can. That's what I want to work on in 2009. I don't really do resolutions, per se, but I like to work on an idea. For example, one year it was being graceful (if you know me, you know that I don't mean physical gracefulness or that, if I do, I wasn't particularly successful). I think this year I'll work on giving back. I want Aidan to be grateful, too; this will be the start of it. That and showering him with ridiculous amounts of love and fun.

There is a good kind of tired,

and this is it. I got to swim today, and it felt positively yummy. I never thought I'd wax poetic about the opportunity to do a workout, but boy, was that nice. I've been riding a (rather sad) exercise bike that we've got in our basement, so I've felt good for the last few weeks that at least I'm doing something active. Honestly, it's the first I've really done since Aidan's been born, other than running around at the park and such. I know it's about time, but better sometime than never, right? It was a real treat to do something different, and I'd forgotten how much I enjoy swimming. I like the peace of swooshing through the water. I'm not a very good swimmer; I don't let that bother me, though. Slow and steady, slow and steady. Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.

Boy, am I ever

Here I sit, watching my son play in our warm, comfy house. Our Daddy/Hubby is off at the gym, and when he gets back, we get to spend the whole day with family, and then still have a long weekend together to boot. We have all we need; we never have to worry about where our next meal's coming from or whether Aidan will be cold in the night. Aidan is beautiful, healthy, and about perfect, as far as I can tell, and I'm happy to say that a good portion of that comes from his dad. I am truly blessed.